Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
