He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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