Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize