Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
