you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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