awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
