I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
