I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
