please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
