I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
