I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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