yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
