it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
