so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize