if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
