I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
