Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
