I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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