True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
i think im in europe. pls send help
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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