anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
