I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
