You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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