What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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