So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Come on in and take your pants off
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