I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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