There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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