I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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