you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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