Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
