he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Come share oat with me in your robe
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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