Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
