I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
