this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
