I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
