good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
