would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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