Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If that was your dad, he is hot
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
