I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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