guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
