you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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