FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
