I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
