i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
