The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
