I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
