I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
