spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
