i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
