dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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