wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
