Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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