i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
