420 ftw
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
