sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
