Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
