areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
