I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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