Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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