Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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