Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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