I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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