and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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