She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
