I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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