i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
