just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
