ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
