I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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