True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
