oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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